Reminders.

I follow a blog of a couple that just lost their baby. The baby's name was Maddie & she was adorable. She was 4 months old when she died. The death was ruled as SIDS. I highly recommend following this blog. It's extremely sobering & very inspiring. I usually dont follow it everyday, but it always seems that I read it at just the right times. If I'm down about a situation in my life, I end up reading a post about the difficulty of waking up in the morning & heading to the nursery to get a baby that isnt there...& then realizing (again) that she will never be in that nursery again. Suddenly I realize that nothing is more difficult than losing a child. I really believe that there is not one thing on this earth that could happen to me that would be harder than not having Rylee. I feel like I almost experienced that "feeling" and it was almost unbearable. I like reading these types of posts bc it brings me back to reality. Regardless of what is going on in my life, nothing will ever be harder than losing Rylee. I tend to get wrapped up in small (& big) things that are happening in my life. Sometimes I look back & have no doubt that God was carrying bc I definitely didnt make it on my own. But even in those moments, I try to remember that I am so blessed.

The blog isn't always sad posts. Sometimes the posts are goose-bump worthy stories of how Maddie is communicating with them. Im not talking ghost, but rather "signs." I'm not really sure how I feel about whether or not the "signs" are really from Maddie, or maybe just God's way of comforting. I don't really think it matters who is doing it; the point is that it's inspiring. The happy posts remind me to enjoy the little things. Usually, Rylee wakes up, & bc I have insomnia, I let her play around in her crib until she starts fussing. Sometimes she even goes back to sleep for 30min! Anyway, she fusses, not really tears, just the "get me out of here" sounds, but no matter what, as soon as she sees me, I get a HUGE grin. This warms my heart & everything else that is life is throwing me disappears. I'm going to miss those moments when she is a teenager, & I will probably be the one fussing!

I've been absent from posting for a month or so. Life has really been crazy, & I do not like crazy. So, this morning I decided that it was time to remind myself of just how blessed i am.