My new fav!

This is the best foundation I have ever used. I love the coverage, texture & finish, & I especially love the face that it will "adjust" with my skintone should I get a little darker or lighter. MAC, you have really out done yourself on this one! :-D

Something new

I'm trying out this Blogger app that I have on my phone, maybe I will blog more now.

So, it's almost September & my emotions are running rampant. I'm really excited about Rylee's 1st birthday & her party, her bday pictures & possibly some more family pics too. However, when I think about what I was doing this time last year,  (reflection is something I do too much) I can't help but dread thinking about the upcoming days. This time last year i was saying things like, "I just can't wait to have this baby," and "rylee, you can come out now. Please COME OUT NOW! " If I had known what was about to happen, maybe I wouldn't have been so eager to have her out. I'm not sure how I am going to be, emotionally, on her bday. It's going to be a celebration of life & miracles, proof that time goes so quickly & a reminder of one of the scariest times in my life. I just don't know how im going to deal with it. I hope I can put all my negative memories away & focus on my miracle, but i cry every time I think about that day. Still, even though things seem to be "working out" I cry EVERY time I think about how Rylee entered the world. I hate that. I should be all smiles when i think about her birth, but instead, i am all smiles...& glassy eyes.

Well, i have guessed only time will tell. Regardless of how Rylee's story started, i am so thankful that it did!

S. O. B. Land?

We just passed Pedro's South of the Border Land, lol. That place was crazy! There was a hotel, amusement park, restaurant, grocery, gift shop. It was ridiculous...hopefully we can stop by on our way home, lol. I would love to see what "Pedro" looks like.

A little bit crafty

So, I helped throw a baby shower for a friend, & I was in charge of decorations. It was a big shower, so I was determined to not spend a ton of money...but I still wanted it to be cute. I'm really excited with the way things turned out bc most of the things I made for the first time!

This is the centerpiece for all the tables & each table setting.

 Close-up of the centerpiece. I made it from 20 circles cut from various coordinating scrapbook papers.

 Close-up of the napkin rings & chocolate bar favors. Part of the advice card is on the left.

 Close-up of Chocolate bar.

 Diaper Cake! This turned out so well. I have never made one, & this was a big one! There are 104 diapers, 3 stuffed animals, 2 lotions, 2 baby bath, 2 pacifiers, 2 toys, 1 diaper cream, 1 baby book & name blocks. (The theme was based of the Baby Presley's nursery, which is the Jacana Animal print. It is such an adorable theme!

I didn't get any pictures of the "cravings" table, which included lots of sweet & salty things. Making all of these things was lots of fun, & I found several neat ideas that I didn't include bc there just wasn't time or space. Maybe I will get to do more showers or events soon!

Baby-proofing....AH!!!

I'm overwhelmed with baby-proofing! I can't even begin...well, I have been crawling around the entire house on my hands & knees, but that just makes me worry more. I've heard so many horror stories, especially from Rylee's OT. I'm sure all parents worry about this stuff, but most people don't get to hear stories about 1yr olds that have asphyxiated on a peanut shells & are not doing the things my 8 month old (w/CP) does! So I reiterate, AH!!!  I think I will start by making a list (from my hands & knees, of course.) Oh man, I'm starting to freak just thinking about it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need new carpet next year from the 2 or 3 times/day vacuuming I will be doing.

Ive been doing some crafting, lately. When Rylee 1st came home, I started making bows. Some of them were WAY too big  for her tiny newborn head, but not anymore! I made her Easter bow too. It's probably my favorite one to date. Of course, it was huge, but that's the way I like them. Rylee doesn't really care for them, but I just keep putting them back when she pulls them. That may seem silly, but I don't care. I do (or did) hair, & I am making NO apologies! :)

This past weekend was a good friend's bachelorette party. It was so much fun, & I really enjoyed getting to spend some quality time with such a great group of girls. Donna, Rylee's OT, keeps telling me to make sure I have my time. I try to do as much as possible with friends, but sometimes it's hard. So this weekend was a chance for me to enjoy myself w/o worrying about what I need to do or get for Rylee. Josh watched her, so I knew she was in great hands & I was able to focus on having fun. I have to give my hubby some props. He is an amazing father &, although he doesn't do things the exact way I do them, he really does cover all the bases when I'm not around.

This weekend was alot of fun, & I still havent recovered from the late night (or the blister from my heels.) I was, however, reminded of how great my friends really are. Whether we talk everyday or once every couple months, they have & (hopefully) always be a major part of my life.

OT

I love Rylee's Occupational Therapist. She really is great. Having someone come into my home 1-2 days a week is not something I enjoy. I always worry about being "sized-up." It's not like I'm a dirty person, but sometimes I feel like I cannot keep this place clean. I am constantly picking things up just to get them right back out. I tell myself that things would be different if we had a bigger place, but I know that I would just end up with more stuff! Anyway, today Rylee's OT told me that I'm one of the best moms that she's ever had. She's been doing in-home therapy for 25 years, so that was a huge compliment. It's nice to know that some people can really see the dedication that it takes to have a baby like Rylee. Most people look at her & think, "She looks normal." And she is "normal" but by who's standards? Rylee requires so much more than most babies. Every baby needs love & attention, but not every baby needs daily therapy & evaluation. I am constantly observing how & when she does things. I am constantly working with her to push her. Sometimes I wish that I could just let her do her own thing, but I have seen her go from having a severe head tilt & extreme lack of mobility to a squirmy, wriggly baby. It really nice to see that all of the time that I have spent stretching & moving & making her go a "little bit farther has made such a difference. So, I am very thankful for programs like First Steps & an OT like Donna.

I'm excited!

So I got Rylee's invite to the annual NICU/3N Reunion! I'm super excited!!! Not only is it on a Saturday that by the grace of God I dont already have something scheduled, but it's also at the zoo. I've been debating on purchasing a zoo membership this year, so I will be able to see if Rylee's reaction to the zoo. She is going to get her very 1st reunion t-shirt along with Josh & I. It's exciting stuff! I can't wait until the doctors & nurses see her. I'm especially excited to see a couple of nurses that were very special to me. All the nurses were good, but there were a couple that I connected with, & I really missed seeing them as we were transferred from nursery to nursery. I'm kinda excited to see the doctors too. Dr Deweiss was probably my fav, so I can't wait for him to see what Rylee had accomplished. I remember him telling me, during morning rounds, that he has planned to have Rylee completely off the Nitric by the end of the day. And then he looked at me & said, "They all think I'm crazy, but I know what this little girl can do. She's tough. A fighter. I know that she has it in her, & I'm going to push her." That's the moment that I knew I would be bringing Rylee home. I never told anyone that. I just kept asking for prayer & praying myself, but Dr. Deweiss gave me something that no other doctor had given me, hope. See, the doctors in the  Kosair NICU are surrounded by death & disappointment, & even though they are the best in their fields, the fact remains that the cannot save every baby. There were times that I went into visit Rylee (I spent 12-16hrs a day for 26 days in the NICU) & the bed that used to be occupied was empty. Those were somber moments. Sometimes I worked up the courage to ask the nurses where the baby was, & sometimes their response was a transfer...and sometimes it wasn't. Well, now that I'm completely depressed, the point of that rabbit trial was to make the point that most doctors know that they cant give parents a false sense of hope. Facts & figures are usually the only answers that they give, but, that day, Dr Dewiess gave me more that just the facts & I knew that was an answer to my prayers.

Speaking of prayers, I've been reading this new devotional based on the Love Dare. It's a couples devo & I really like it! There are 365 short devotions that are intended to teach how to give & receive love. There are some corresponding quotes, passages & challenges. Josh seems to like it too, so for that it gets an A+ in my book!

This past week Rylee got a runny nose & dry cough. I had to take her (smiling) to the doctor. She has VERY dry skin, & sometimes it rashes. When I took her to the doctor, they expressed concern for Strep, based on her cough & bright red rash. It turns out that my baby just has allergies, we think. I will be looking into testing very soon. My title is "I'm excited" & it's bc, despite a slight sleep regression during the beginning of her "feel bads" Rylee is back on track! I'm excited to know that even though there is an occasional hiccup in her sleep patterns, the training I worked so diligently on, was a success! Yay for sleep, bc that is probably the best thing for her when she is feeling bad.

Something I am NOT excited about: I sliced my finger open today. I'm definitely not kitchen/cooking savvy, but I do make 90% of Rylee's food. It's so easy, & I just really enjoy doing it. Anyway, I was slicing & de-pitting a plum, & I sliced the crap out of my finger. To make matters worse, we have CUTCO knives & they are super sharp. I'm really fortunate that I did not my cut off my entire finger tip.

And finally, I am excited.....for BED! Night Night :)

Reminders.

I follow a blog of a couple that just lost their baby. The baby's name was Maddie & she was adorable. She was 4 months old when she died. The death was ruled as SIDS. I highly recommend following this blog. It's extremely sobering & very inspiring. I usually dont follow it everyday, but it always seems that I read it at just the right times. If I'm down about a situation in my life, I end up reading a post about the difficulty of waking up in the morning & heading to the nursery to get a baby that isnt there...& then realizing (again) that she will never be in that nursery again. Suddenly I realize that nothing is more difficult than losing a child. I really believe that there is not one thing on this earth that could happen to me that would be harder than not having Rylee. I feel like I almost experienced that "feeling" and it was almost unbearable. I like reading these types of posts bc it brings me back to reality. Regardless of what is going on in my life, nothing will ever be harder than losing Rylee. I tend to get wrapped up in small (& big) things that are happening in my life. Sometimes I look back & have no doubt that God was carrying bc I definitely didnt make it on my own. But even in those moments, I try to remember that I am so blessed.

The blog isn't always sad posts. Sometimes the posts are goose-bump worthy stories of how Maddie is communicating with them. Im not talking ghost, but rather "signs." I'm not really sure how I feel about whether or not the "signs" are really from Maddie, or maybe just God's way of comforting. I don't really think it matters who is doing it; the point is that it's inspiring. The happy posts remind me to enjoy the little things. Usually, Rylee wakes up, & bc I have insomnia, I let her play around in her crib until she starts fussing. Sometimes she even goes back to sleep for 30min! Anyway, she fusses, not really tears, just the "get me out of here" sounds, but no matter what, as soon as she sees me, I get a HUGE grin. This warms my heart & everything else that is life is throwing me disappears. I'm going to miss those moments when she is a teenager, & I will probably be the one fussing!

I've been absent from posting for a month or so. Life has really been crazy, & I do not like crazy. So, this morning I decided that it was time to remind myself of just how blessed i am.

Rambling & bad gas.

Winston ate the stuffing out of a pot holder today. Now, he has the worst gas he has ever had. What in the world was in that pot holder? I'd never used it. We got it from little gifts. It's not like I had cooked 5000lbs of beans & then soaked the pot holder in them. Geez! He is single-handedly destroying my smeller. Ha, smeller...or nose!

Watching Idol. About to watch Jersey Shore. Josh got rained out. Rylee is sleeping. All is well, for now. I'm disappointed in J-Lo's hair in the episode. Seriously, she kinda resembles Marge Simpson. SMH. Speaking of SMH, it only took me about 5 months to figure out what that stinkin' meant. I hate when people abbreviate things. Just freakin type it out. Ok, so the country cutie little baseball player with the super deep voice just made it to the top 24 on Idol. SO glad! He's adorable, & if I were 9 years younger....and not married...and not a mother....I'd probably have what ever his name is "fever."

Well, I guess that's enough rambling......TTFN :p

V-day, B. Paisley, Hazard & the future.

So Valentine's Day is coming up, Josh & I never really make a big deal out of holidays. We usually try to do something special, but nothing to elaborate. I've never been the type of person that expected a gift for every holiday, or any holiday, for that matter. Josh & I dont even exchange gifts at Christmas. It's not that we dont enjoy the holidays, but I really just feel like the TIME together is much more important than the GIFTS. Now I'm not going to object if Josh gets me something sweet (or sparkly), I'm just saying that I don't expect it. If he sees something that he wants to get, or if I see something that I think he might like, then we will get it. But there is no mandatory gift giving & I love it that way. I feel like the gifts that I do get mean something. There is nothing more impersonal than me going out & picking out (or even buying) myself a "gift" & telling Josh that its his gift to me. Anyway, so I'm not expecting a gift, but we do have plans to go to Bearnos for a heart-shaped pizza :)  We did this last year & also went to a movie, so Josh thought it would be good to take Rylee & do the same thing again. I love that he doesnt get wrapped up in the material side of the holidays either. So the plan is to go to Bearnos, but I think that we are going to skip the movie this year. Maybe we will make this a family tradition....until Rylee discovers boys & we take a back burner :( 

Brad Paisley is performing @the YUM center in a few weeks & I am super stoked. I have never seen him in concert, but he is probably one of the few artists that I can sing along to! The concert is on a Saturday night, so Rylee will be staying with my mom & we will probably get a room downtown for the night. Maybe I can talk Josh into going to Morton's again....I'm sure I will really have to twist his arm!

We went to Hazard, KY this past weekend. My brother played a couple games down there, & I like to take Rylee on short road trips. (I'm trying to get her ready for the long road trip when we go on the Bibelhauser vacation.) Anyway, so we go to Hazard. My goodness! Mountains everywhere! I have this theory that my death will come by way of a natural disaster (weird, i know). Anyway, I cannot even explain how freaking scared I was to be in the middle of a bunch of mountains. Seriously HUGE mountains! My ear were popping, my head was pounding & my heart was beating out of my chest. Obviously, I survived, but I'm sure that it was only by the skin of my teeth! Rylee did seem to enjoy herself, so I guess my panic attacks were worth it. She did amazing too! Everyone kept saying that she was such a good baby. I'll admit it, she is :) She really likes watching basketball, or any sport, & she even yells at the players. It's super cute.

Well, I guess that's all I've got for now. I've got a few crafts in the works & I'm going to start making Rylee's food this week.  I'm sure those adventures will make their way to this blog in the near future.

Happy Monday...for 17 more minutes!

Mother of a sale

I just found this new deal site: Mother of a Sale I love the fact that they are offering Agoo leggings for $3. These retail for $12, plus they have a flat shipping rate of $10. You can event order from their partner sites with the flat shipping rate! I just ordered Rylee several pairs of leggings. She seems to like wearing them now, & since she is trying to crawl, I think they will be very much needed soon. I considering these investment pieces, because she will be able to wear them for a few years. I dont think she has anything else, other than hair items, that she will be able to wear for a few years!

Well, Rylee is napping & I have a house to tidy up before Josh gets home. I'm hoping to make a trip to Hobby Lobby today. I need to get some stuff to make Rylee more bow holders.

Testing

I graduated from cosmetology school in April, & I had planned on taking my state board test the first of June. When I got my scheduled date it was when Josh & I were going on vacation, so I had to reschedule. Since I couldnt take the May test bc Josh's freind got married...in Chicago....& he was in the wedding, and then I had to reschedule bc we were going to be out of town again, my new plan was to take my test in October or November. I though November would be better, but as long as I had it done before the holidays, it didnt really matter. And then September came....suddenly every plan or idea I had went out the window. Now, here I am, 8 months out of school & I have absolutely NO desire to take my test. Even if I wanted to take it, I couldnt right now. Rylee's doctor & therapy schedules dont allow the prep time or the 12+hrs that it will take me to test. (The test is 8hrs & its in Frankfort & I would have to be present for my score.) So, now what do I do? Eventually, Rylee's appointments will taper down, but I dont know if I will ever have the time to study for my test. And to be honest, I really could care less about doing hair. I think that I will want to do hair again, but I really dont know what the next few years have in store for me. There is absolutely no way that I will be able to put the time & effort into establishing a "book" right now, but if I dont test & then follow that with my apprenticeship, I will lose all of my 1800 hrs. This means that when I do decide to do hair, I would have to repeat hair school. I do NOT want to do that! So, I guess the only solution is that at some point soon I have to start studying & then sign up for a test date.

Now that I have put it in writing, maybe I will be motivated to actually do it! Rylee wont be a baby forever, & even if we have more children, they wont be babies forever either. So, I have to remember that there is life outside of mommyhood.

I wish...

I wish I didnt let so many things bother me, especially the ones that dont directly affect me! I hate that about myself. Honestly, why should I worry about the stupid or irresponsible decisions of others? It's their lives, their decisions. My new year's resolution was to stop letting other people get me upset. Im the only one that can allow myself or my demeanor to change.

Anyway, the past few weeks have been kinda busy. Josh has been working 6 days a week & probably will continue this until April. The overtime is great, but it sucks not getting a weekend with him. Ive been trying to declutter the house. We all have so much stuff, & it's been really tough...especially since then house has to be presentable for our weekly physical therapy appointment. I feel like as soon as I drag a bunch of stuff out to sort, it's time to find a spot for it all again. It's exhausting!

Rylee went for her 4month check up last week. She's been fussy since Christmas & also had an ear infection. The good news was that her ears looked perfect, but she had the flu :(  She's been on tamiflu since last friday & she seems to be doing much better. We have a follow up appointment today & she will probably get her shots too! Oh, and she has to get bloodwork done today too. Always fun times in our house!

Well, I guess I should get a shower while I can...Rylee is sleeping...we have a busy day today!